Gag endings for our favorite show!
by Nate0130
Summary: These are some gag endings I thought of for Lost. There's no logic here. Only madness. Read and Review!
1. The Yankees did it!

Disclaimer: Don't own Lost. The writers won't let me anywhere near them after they read this anyway. This was just a crazy concept that popped into my head near the end of season two.

To understand my logic (or madness, whatever you call it), there is something you must know about the numbers. Each of the numbers IRL is a retired number at Yankee stadium.

4 - Lou Gehrig.

8 - Retired for both Yogi Berra and Bill Dickey; both were catchers.

15 - Thurman Munson.

16 - Whitey Ford.

23 - Don Mattingly.

42 - Jackie Robinson's number, he never played for the Yankees but his number was universally retired throughout baseball in his honor.

With that said, it makes perfect sense the Yankees are responsible for everything that's happening on the island. Which means that Alvar Hanso is actually, the Yankee's owner, George Stienbrenner, and that Mr. Friendly is none other than Brian Cashman, the Yankee's General Manager!

I have a whole dialouge planned out. Basically, Jack, Kate, Charlie, Libby and Vincent manage to apprehend Mr. Friendly.

Jack: Lets find out who you really are.

:: Jack rips Mr. Friendly's beard off and the survivors are shocked as the face they see.is none other then….

Charlie: BRIAN CASHMAN! I AUTOGRAPHED A BLODDY DRIVESHAFT CD FOR YOUR CHILDREN! HOW COULD YOU?

Cashman: Argh! And I would have gotten away if it weren't for your meddling castaways, AND THAT DOG!

Vincent: Woof!

END!

Yes I'm crazy. Yes I need help. Yes I have nothing better to do with my time then come up with crazy ideas like this.


	2. The Book Club

Disclaimer: I do not own Lost. I am not J.J. Abrams, nor am I Damon Lindelof, and have no input into the show whatsoever. With that said, on with the gag ending!

This one is based on season three. The Others, as you know have a book club. So I got to thinking, what if Ethan and Goodwin were merely selecting new potential members to join their little book club. I mean after all, when you are in a club with the same members for years and years, you'd want some new blood right?

This would mean that the only real "good one" of the survivors is Sawyer, cuz he's the only one who reads. Here's how I think season three could end: 

Sawyer: So what the hell did you guys capture us for anyway? 

Ben: All of you have been undergoing a selection process. We have spent the past two weeks determining which one of you is suitable for our book club.

Jack: That's it? You mean that all this was for a damn book club?

Ben: That's right, Jack. And we decided that Sawyer is the only one of you who is worthy of joining our ranks. ::looks at Sawyer:: That is, if you're willing to accept our offer.

Kate: Sawyer, you can't seriously be considering their offer?

Sawyer: Sorry, Freckles, but I love reading more then life itself.

Yes, I have some sembelnce of a life. I have a job and I hang out with my friends at least once every other week. Yet I still manage to spend this much time thinking about things like Lost.


	3. There's No Place Like Where?

Disclaimer – No I don't own Lost. If I did I'd bury J.J. Abrams for writing that crappy opener for Season 3.

Gag ending number 3: "There's No Place Like… Where?"

(As the scene opens Jack is in his glass cage, and Ben is standing on the other side looking very pleased.)

Ben: Thank you Jack. You performed the surgery and saved my life. You truly are a man of your word, and so are we. I'm so grateful to be alive that I'm actually going to overlook the stunt you pulled in the operating room.

Jack: So you're keeping your end of the deal? I can go home then?

Ben: Yes Jack, you can go home as soon as you're ready.

Jack: I'm ready now Ben.

Ben: There is one thing you have to do in order to get home.

Jack: And what's that?

Ben: Click your heels together and say, "there's no place like home."

Jack: That's it? You mean that's all I had to do? Do you seriously mean for me to believe that I could have gone home at any time?

Ben: Well, try it if you don't believe me.

(Jack clicks his heels together.)

Jack: There's no place like home.

(Jack's vision fades to black. He wakes up in a bed and he sees the faces of Juilet, Pickett, and Tom (Mr. Friendly to those of you who don't know), standing over him.)

Jack: (Groaning) Ugh, I just had the weirdest dream. (He points to Juilet) You were there, (he points to Pickett) and you were there, (he points to Tom) and you were there.

(The three laugh.)

Jack: What's so funny?

(Suddenly Ben comes bursting into the room)

Ben: YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D BITCH!


	4. There's No Place Like Where? Alternate

Disclaimer: No I don't own Lost. If I did, I'd tell Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse to stop screwing around when they record the official podcast. But alas, I don't so we all have to put up with it.

Shout out/Disclaimer #2: The idea for this alternate version of "There's No Place Like… Where?" was given to me by my friend and fellow author, Ninja Chic. If you like how this one turned out, be sure to give her a fair share of the kudos.

Gag ending number 3a: "There's No Place Like… Where?"

(As the scene opens Jack is in his glass cage, and Ben is standing on the other side looking very pleased.)

Ben: Thank you Jack. You performed the surgery and saved my life. You truly are a man of your word, and so are we. I'm so grateful to be alive that I'm actually going to overlook the stunt you pulled in the operating room.

Jack: So you're keeping your end of the deal? I can go home then?

Ben: Yes Jack, you can go home as soon as you're ready.

Jack: I'm ready now Ben.

Ben: There is one thing you have to do in order to get home.

Jack: And what's that?

Ben: Click your heels together and say, "there's no place like home."

Jack: That's it? You mean that's all I had to do? Do you seriously mean for me to believe that I could have gone home at any time?

Ben: Well, try it if you don't believe me.

(Jack clicks his heels together.)

Jack: There's no place like home. (Nothing happens.) Um… Ben? It didn't work.

Ben: You have to do it several times, Jack. Dorothy had to do it a few times too.

Jack: Okay, I'll keep at it. (Clicks his heels together.) There's no place like home.

(Two hours later.)

Jack: (Still clicking his heels together.) THERE'S NO FIRGGIN PLACE LIKE HOME! GOD DAMNIT BEN! WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?

(Jack looks up and sees that ALL of the Others are in the room watching, albeit holding back their laughter.)

Ben: Finally bursts out laughing. It isn't working because doing something like that doesn't work in the real world. I just wanted to see if you'd do it.

Jack: ARGGGGGGGGGGGH! (Runs forward and slams his fists on the glass)

END


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